I also wanted to share some of my personal development from this morning. As I mentioned in my previous post, I've recently been experiencing a change in my priorities and have been diving deeper into the layers of myself and focusing on my own needs and desires. I have always struggled a LOT with people pleasing, perfectionism, and being extremely critical of myself. In today's world we are taught shame and guilt starting from the time we're in diapers. When I first started learning about self love and putting myself first it was such a crazy, difficult thing to wrap my head around. "You mean, I DON'T have to say yes to everyone and I'm NOT terrible person if I actually do what it is that I really want?" Thanks to my ultra religious upbringing, uprooting these old beliefs has been nothing short multiple emotional and mental breakdowns. These days I'm learning to fully embrace this belief system and it's something I have to practice every day. For example, I recently took on a part time job in order to make some extra money so that my husband can afford to move soon (what?! - more on that another time). Between my full time job, teaching, and my new job I'm working my ass off. There has also been a lot of recent drama and change at my full time job...I'm finding myself being pulled in many different directions. These past few days I've been super edgy and grumpy and wanting to eat EVERYTHING IN SIGHT (huge red flag by the way). Luckily when you ask the universe to help you out, you tend to attract just what you need into your life at the perfect moment. In the midst of these mood swings I stumbled upon a podcast by one my favorite people ever, Chalene Johnson, called "Lies We Tell Ourselves" (here's the link to the show https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/lies-we-tell-ourselves-james/id911042029?i=336243983&mt=2). Basically the episode is all about learning to say NO to all of the expectations we're taught and "supposed to believe". So, here I am listening to this show and I realize - THIS IS WHY I'm grumpy! I've gotten a lot better about being in touch with myself and saying "no" when I need to, but it's easy to get off track and caught up in the non-sense again. I realized that with all of this recent change at work, with being freaked out about not being able to workout as much and discovering that I'm not really even into this "fit girl" identity anymore, I was reverting back to my old habits. I've been resisting change, fearful of what might happen if I don't please everyone at my three different jobs, what it might be like if people don't know me as the "fit girl" anymore, and what might happen when my husband and I tell everyone that we're hoping to move soon. When you're drowing in insecurity, what better to do than eat everything, right?? Ok, ok, ok...I hope you're still with me here....so I'm in the middle of realizing all of this and feel lead to pull a card from my Goddess Guidance Oracle Cards...here's the card I drew:
I realize that a lot of you probably don't use "tarot" cards and might even have a negative stigma in your head about them. Before you go and get all judgy on me, I suggest you resist what religion has taught you and do your own research. PS - I'm allowed to say that because I was 100% that person. These cards are all positive and do nothing but uplift and inspire. As you can see here, the angels are telling me that I am experiencing enormous change (like I said in the above paragraph), and it is a GOOD thing! <3 For those of you that don't understand how these cards work, there is no way that I could have pulled this card on purpose. It's all based on the law of attraction and your inner self.
In conclusion: Everything in life is a season. Things change, priorities change and at the end of day....the only person you can really take care of is yourself. Change is good, it allows the new to come in! Learn to check in with your feelers and don't be afraid to do what's right for YOU. I'm doing the very best that I can at all of my jobs, I'm working towards a goal that my hubby and I are both very excited about, and if people don't love me because I'm a little fluffier than before, oh-feakin-well! There's a whole lot more to a person than their lean muscle mass, right? Until next time <3
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